Most intimidating questions
We can shift suddenly from one version of ourselves to another without realizing we are doing it, pivoting in emotional response to different “self-states” as conditions around us demand.Rather than having an overarching sense of our own multiplicity, in each singular self-state, we experience our momentary point of view as enduring and miss the inconsistency that others detect, fear, and judge.We have trouble holding these two identities together, our psychological containment fails, and we rely on defensive behavior to maintain equilibrium if we are unable to make constructive use of such feedback (which is usually not given in an easy-to-take-in way, as the other person is speaking from a position of threat).It's not unusual for this kind of disconnect to happen, and inadvertent intimidation comes up in several different ways, which are informative to spell out.It’s not “just a joke,” but we tell ourselves it is.Competition and the need to win no matter what the stakes make it easy to hurl a clever quip, to lash out verbally, cornering and trapping, employing what classical psychoanalysts famously referred to as oral aggression.We recognize that if others are scared of us — if others expect that we may unexpectedly hurt them, or pressure them in unwelcome and distressing ways — we leave ourselves in a very lonely place, regardless of whether they stick around or not.If they stick around, we may feel relief and guilt; if they leave, we may feel relief and grief.
Intimidated, intimidating, intimidation To add complexity to the discussion, sometimes people, of course, are perceived as being intimidating, when in fact they really feel an entirely different way on the inside — vulnerable or scared in some way.Here are examples of some of the most intimidating team names."The experienced mountain climber is not intimidated by a mountain — he is inspired by it.People who do this may also come across as cryptic.
They may believe they are being cryptic on purpose, but sometimes thinking something is on purpose is to cover over the fact that they can't help themselves from doing it, which in turn can be concealing the fact that they really are motivated to be cryptic, without clearly knowing their motivations. We dissect others with the cold scalpel of raw intellect, feeling justified because we are right, or trying to help.
If anyone has been in effective therapy for long enough or has the good fortune of being able to be self-reflective in constructive ways without therapy, we have a pretty good idea of the discrepancy between different versions of ourselves in the eyes of others and those versions of ourselves we can grasp internally.