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(One friend of mine recounted to me in horror how her current boyfriend stopped one day in the middle of giving her oral sex to ask how his technique compared.) Other women find that their boyfriends endlessly psychoanalyze the reasons for a number that they think is too high: “Did you sleep with so many men because your father left you when you were a child?” (If I had a dollar for every woman I know who’s been asked that question, I could buy everyone reading this a Slurpee.We have a right to know if a potential partner has herpes.But the exact number itself is altogether different. I know enough from the stories she’s told to know that there was more than one guy before me; she knows enough about my past to figure out that she can’t count my lovers on her fingers.Isn’t the number an important thing to know about someone you might be serious about? But really, what’s the difference whether she’s slept with four or 14 men?She isn’t defined by her number—and if there’s a chance you might change how you see her when you discover the truth (should she tell you), why ask?And of course, it’s the real reason so many women feel compelled to lie about their number.♦◊♦ Too many women have told their boyfriends their real number, only to be nagged incessantly for explicit details.
It’s a great idea to talk about sexually transmitted infections; it’s a great idea for a new couple to get tested before having unprotected sex.
The old double standard is still alive and well: a man with more sexual partners than his buddies may be teasingly called a “man whore,” but the epithet is a compliment, not an insult.
Ask a woman who has dared reveal her number to someone who considers it too high, and she’ll surely tell you a story of being “slut-shamed.” It’s quite common for a guy to worry about a girlfriend’s sexual past.
But that’s a topic for another day.) ♦◊♦ It’s understandable to be curious about the sexual lives of our peers.
It makes sense to want to know what the averages are.The most likely reason is that we got sick of boys who played games, so we decided to give them a taste of their own medicine (and we all know it’s way easier for a girl to be a player anyways).