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The following are my suggestions for your ten commandments of dating after divorce.
One: Your “Must Haves” Take some time to generate this list; do not assume what it contains.
Six: Keep Some Distance It can be easy to be swept away when you meet someone new.
It’s exciting and it feels so good to have that feeling reawaken after you may have been fearing its death. You, yourself, will most likely change from how you were in your marriage.
Remember that this feeling is temporary, as the hormones fade back to normal levels, that initial rush will fade too. Enjoy the rush when it happens, but maintain enough distance that your rational brain has time to communicate its thoughts to you as well. Be open and willing to investigate these new alternatives.
It’s fine (actually, wonderful) to get caught up in a moment, but don’t let that moment turn into a marriage that you do not intend. But keep some distance so that you can check with yourself to make sure that you do not deviate too far from the true you.
You may have lost other friends in the deal or had the nature of friendships slip and slide away.
You may feel amorphous as you break out of the box that defined you as a spouse.Two: Your “Must Not Haves” This list compliments the one above and, in fact, you may find that it is generated at the same time. Even the ambiguous will have meaning to you as you meet people.Like with your “must haves,” you may find that some of these are rather concrete and others are vague and hard to define. Two of my items on the “must not have” list were 1) cannot be dishonest (uhmm..great. ) and 2) cannot have kids or want kids (I have pretty strong feelings on this one and it’s not fair to start a relationship with someone who does not match me here). Just let that thought go like a helium balloon in the wind. Not every date you go one will be good, but every date you go one will teach you something.Once you have your lists generated, keep them handy and allow them to be modified or updated as you date and meet new people. Try to enter every encounter with an open and curious mind, ready to receive the lessons to come.
They are not set in stone, but they are also not be ignored, especially if you find yourself in the biochemical throes of love lust. That insufferably cute and perfect couple at the park is either in the biochemical throws of lust or has another side to their relationship that you do not see. On some dates, you might learn about someone else, some you may learn about yourself, and yet others you may learn about the intricacies of being a private pilot for a billionaire (yup, true story there).I also wanted someone for whom fitness and exercise was a way of life, not just an opportunityto cinch in the belt a bit.